I'm Worried About Your Butts: Tales of an AirBnB Host

It's been roughly two years since we started having our house on AirBnB. Business has slowed down recently (thanks Corona!), but everyone wants to visit Palisade and you should too! No, this is not a plea for you to rent my house out BUT if you WANT, I would consider giving you a discount. Just email me.

Let me start by saying: this was all John's idea. He's always looking for creative ways to make easy money, and this was definitely one of his better ideas. I grudgingly say this, because this particular idea has been the 2nd worst one of his that resulted in me constantly cleaning up other people's shit- the number 1 being having kids.

If you're like me, you've probably never heard of Palisade, Colorado. It's a small mountain town nestled in the desert butting up to the Utah border. It's not what you'd picture when you think of Colorado. It's very dry and the mountains are more like dirt rock hills and its about 200 degrees in the summer- wait, this is not a good AirBnb ad!!

The real magic of Palisade has something to do with how the cold air comes down from the mountains and gets trapped or some shit in the valley, and then the dryness mixes in and- voila- perfect grape growing weather for whatever reason. Long story short, there's a fuck ton of wine made here. It's a town of about 2,000 people and home to around 40 wineries. That's like 1 winery for every 50 people- not too bad! It's still relatively unknown, but getting more popular. It's almost comparable to Napa, but even better in my humble opinion. My opinion being that I've never been to Napa and fuck Napa. Rich fucks can just fuck off with their California rich grapes.

Ok now that I've succeeded in persuading you to visit Palisade (have I ever mentioned that I have an advertising degree??), come stay at our AirBnB! It is very homey! We get that comment all the time from guests. And let me tell you why: when we found out we were approved for Palisade's short term vacation application, we literally left everything in that house and moved next door to our triplex. The whole first year it really felt like people were renting out our home, sleeping in our bed, destroying my toilet. I took it very personally. Now I take it less personally, but I'm still offended when people destroy the toilet. And also a bit worried. I never realized the large scope of strangers' poop habits until I was forced to clean up after strangers. What are you eating? Have you talked to a doctor? So much splatter! It's so caked on! Do you hate me? What did I do to deserve this? Is it because I said fuck Napa?

For the most part, all my hosting complaints are poop-based. Which I could go into excruciating detail with, but I'll spare you. For now. Maybe a future follow up entry. I'd rather focus on the positives, because everything else is so negative right now.

I would say that about 80% of people are so clean. Like start the dishwasher, start the laundry, take the garbage out- considerate people. People leave nice notes, people leave food for our chickens, people leave BEERS! I've even had people leave icecream sandwiches, which is better than any other bonus I've ever had especially at 7 months pregnant. I've worked in a lot of customer service jobs in my life, but this is one where people are just consistently kind. Maybe cause they feel bad they're destroying my toilet.

Anyway, once we're through this weird epidemic time, if any of us survive- come stay at our place. Destroy our toilet & make yourself at home. (I know you're persuaded, I'm a liscenesed advertiser.)